I had been left out at University

University sounds great. Yes it is. It is great. Unfortunately, not everyone thinks uni is great. Especially being a full time student who sticks in campus for years. If you are surrounded with amazing people that you think they are amazing, then your life at uni is great! Please not forgetting there are minorities who have been struggling with their life at uni. They are crying pretty much every single day, wonder if such situations they are facing are not happening in real life and begging to end before they know it.

And here was my life in freshman year. Before I jump into my freshman year story, i would like to tell you a bit about my character before hand. I am friendly, outspoken and resilient. I can get along with strangers easily and i know exactly how to introduce myself. I have to say my social skill is pretty good. Unfortunately, social skill itself is not guaranteed you are not going to be left out.

Here was my life in freshman year. I always by myself all the time. I was studying alone, going to classes alone, eating at the cafeteria alone and etc. I have not belong to any group of people, in fact i also do not have close friends (buddy). I am not a quiet person, in classes or lectures I do have friends. But only during academic period. After classes/lectures I have no one to hang out with. I felt like I had been left out, I felt empty and lonely. I felt like nobody wants to make friends with me and nobody sees me as a person. I did felt offended at first, where my classmates hanging out but never had a second thought to ask me to join them. Eventually, I get used to it and couldn't even bothered anymore. At first, I thought it did not last long. "Well, its a freshman year, what to expect." Let me tell you, it lasts until today. I am now currently in my forth semester. 😂

In fact, I also have met minorities who could relate. They had to face exactly what I have said. But one of them even worst. Until she had to quit and changed her course as her classmates left her out. She was lonely and had no friends at Uni. Plus, she was struggling with study at the same time. She had been crying all day all night long, she couldn't handle it anymore and she decided to quit. Her classmates were not even be bothered to get along with her. I feel so sorry for her as I know exactly how she feels.

Back to my story, I was praying all day all night long, asking my Lord if he could give me friends so I do not feel alone and have someone to hang out with as I live far away from my parents. I have realized, the problem was not me. I definitely can talk to people, introducing myself and socializing. The problem was that nobody feels like I was part of them. That's why they do not even bothered to invite me to be part of them whenever they had agendas, But, I did get calls and messages whenever they needed help in terms of academic. And I am happy to help (except for one, I felt so bad because I refused to help my classmates when they were in need).

After freshman year had past, I had been told by someone that she had heard a lot about me (bad things). I was shocked. I thought that I was invisible. Nobody knew me. Surprisingly, I was wrong. I was quiet overwhelmed with the cheap rumors about me. First, they said I was chasing over this boy. Second, I did not do my part in group work and so many more. Only these two I can remember. I was laughing and speechless at the same time. I had no idea how the heck are these coming from. Even though, I can tell who's invented these in the first place. But, like it matters. After I have heard all these things, I have realized that there are reasons if you do not get what you have wanted, Yes I did not have close friends. But let say I did, does this type of friends worth it? I am sorry, I don't think so. Besides, I am sooooo grateful I do not have any close relationship with people who carry bad characteristics and attitudes. Since then, I have realized Allah Swt has protected me from bad things. Things that you want or seems nice are not necessarily good for you.

Whoever's reading this, if you feel you have no friends,left out, feel lonely, alone, betrayed, hurt, empty and so much more. Please do not prolong the sadness. Certainly, there are reasons behind it. Perhaps, there are no good for you. You should be grateful because you have been protected. Avoid toxic people who certainly do not belong in your life, Keep doing your thing where you think its important to your life. Ask help through prayers and patience.

Love always. 💙