The reason i'm writing this is to remind me of my mistakes that i had done in the past as my remembrance and also hopefully whoever's reading this finds something beneficial.
I don't know about you, but i'm gonna tell yall a bit of myself. I honestly do not have lots of friends. I can defined myself as an independent individual. I have already get used to it due to my upraising. I live with one of the rules.
"Go for quality friends not quantity"
I always keep telling myself that friends are crucial. They are going to make a huge impact on myself. Due to that, i have to be extremely careful when choosing friends. I always tell myself that i am going to pick my friends like i'm picking up my makeup stuff, but way moreeeeeeee careful and choosy. And that's why i literally don't have much friends. I guess i do have lots of friends but they are not close enough.
However, i do have friends and i feel like they're more likely as sisters to me. But honestly, i can count them with my fingers.
I guess I have never told anyone about it, but we all messed up sometimes or most of the times. Including me i must say. I used to be extremely sad because someone i barely know left me. At that time i certainly had no idea why i had to be so sad. I keep telling myself that i am so grateful with everything i have. I guess since i was in my public policy school i have this kinds of issue where i feel so sad because i dont get what i want. As i'm growing up i feel like this issue is going to happen in my life anyway. The difference is that what are the "things" of making me feel sad about. The "things" are vary from times to times. Even though i know for fact that Allah swt gives me things that i need the most instead of things i want the most. But it is certainly easier said than done.
It is extremely hard for me to deal with it. Every single day i wake up and i feel sad. Plus, i'm comparing my life with everyone else's life where i see happiness which i don't see in myself. Until to that extend i feel like probably this is my life, I'm going to feel this forever. But the feeling of sadness is sort of like ups and downs. It's not consistent. Sometimes i feel okay sometimes it is sort of coming back. And let's be honest, I think i have never found anyone who can give me somethings sort of advice/motivation that satisfy me 100%. Until I read the Holy Quran translation and i've gotten my answers. Somethings that could relate to me, answering my questions and thoughts that have made me wondering all these times and in fact something unbeatable. It really satisfy me more than 100%. And i wish someone has told me about it earlier. Due to that, probably things were different.
Besides, i also have things where things do not turn out the way i want them to be. Honestly, it is really frustrating. I can say that i felt like i didn't want to be existed anymore. One thing that keeps me stay is my faith. That's all i can say. I know things happen for reasons. The reasons why are certainly something i have no idea. But i keep thinking positive where Allah swt has better plans for me and it's fine to cry. I feel lonely. I feel no one can helps me out. No one feels me. But i know he knows and he's listening. I know he loves me that's why he's testing me every single day. I know that the "thing" that makes me sad is definitely going to happen anyway. Perhaps, it might be different. But the feeling that i'm feeling regardless of different "thing" is definitely the feeling that he wants me to feel. What i'm trying to say is that i will feel it no matter what. It's the causes of what make me sad perhaps may be vary. So, why i have to be continuously feel sad. Things are meant to happen. That feeling is meant to feel.
Prior to that, what should i do? My answer is hold on to your faith tightly. As close as you can. Do not forget where you belong. You belong to him, to him you put your trust. Just trust him, Trust him as much you trust him let you breath every single day without you realize that you're actually breathing without controlling it. Who controls it? Who has the power to do that? Certainly, we all know the answer. Same goes to the other things. He has the authority to plan what he wants, Everything he says is definitely going to happen. When you feel that means you care. When you don't feel that means you don't care. I can talk about this for ages. All i can say, regardless what happens hold on to your faith, stop crying, stop thinking about what makes you sad because it does not do you any good, do not take too much time try to calm yourself down, instead, get up and enhance your strength. Keep doing good things and striving your goals. Make sure one of your goals is to achieve a place for you and your family in paradise because we all know this world will end soon. Certainly, my family and i need a better place to stay. Hihi :)
I'll add more afterwards. It's time to sleep. Gotta go! Adios Amigos.
Thank you for reading until the end of this post. I wish you and your loved ones are doing well. Alhamdulillah :)
Peace be upon you :)
